I never used to think about the passage of time. Hours blended with my days. Days fused into months. Months into years. It was all one jumbled mess. “Someone would mention something from a specific year and in my mind it was still a year or two ago.
“Remember 2016?”
“Yeah it was like, four years ago.”
“Uh, try 9.”
0_0
The passage of time – undocumented.
After graduating high school, I lacked direction and purpose, and the motivation and discipline required to even search for it. It was a lawless time. But then again, isn’t that what being a new adult is all about?
My days went like this: go to work, leave to come home, eat, sleep and repeat. I made a few friends a long the way, some great and others not so much. After a year or two, I began to wonder if that was what my life would look like in ten years time. As I began to think more about my future, I was still not sure what I wanted to be doing, only what I didn’t want.
I decided I would feel better about myself if I went to college. So I went and almost gave up with only two credits left to earn a degree. I kept going and graduated after 2 1/2 years and was handed my diploma. Six days later, my daughter was born. She was a day early, actually.
Here is me (background), just moments after giving birth. She had been out *maybe* five minutes. I was finishing a Jimmy John’s sandwich from earlier that day.
Here we are almost 8 years later, and so much has changed. We have a home, new(ish) vehicles, 4 pets, different jobs for both myself and my husband – and so much more. It’s been a wild ride.
Having a kid is it’s own measure against time. You start with this little tiny creature that can’t do anything on its own. You have to constantly watch over it to keep it alive. Sleepless nights, early mornings, afternoon naps, stained clothes, blood, sweat, tears, boogers, poop, pee, puke, you name it.
Before her, I had no direction or purpose. I was still figuring that out. I wasn’t a terrible person but I sure as hell wasn’t as great as I could have been. She made me want to be a better person, for her and for myself. To keep doing better than the day before and pursue my interests. I don’t even like to think where I would be without her, because it most likely wouldn’t be anywhere decent.
I heard a saying once – if your first born is a daughter, it means you need to grow up. If it’s a boy, you need to know what unconditional love is like. I’m not sure about the boy thing, but having a girl does make you grow up in so many ways.
I was selfish, still am sometimes, but not near as much as I used to be. “Sharing is caring,” is what she tells me as she stares at my food. “Yeah, alright. Here,” I give her the last few bites. I didn’t need it anyway.
What are your thoughts on the matter?